What have I, What have I, What have I done to deserve this???

The question of the day...How does one deal with an in your face, constantly in your shit mother-in-law??

Is the answer a conversation where you calmly and logically explain to her where your business begins and hers ends? Do you take it a step farther and say exactly what is on your mind and make her just deal with it? Or do you just ignore her completely and thank god that you live 2 hours away??

This was the very dilemma I faced this morning. After sending her a nice email explaining what is goign on in our lives and how busy we have and will be for the next couple of months, my (what should I call her...oh yes...Spawn of Satan who happened to birth my husband ... SOSBH for short....) decided that she wanted to respond to my cheery, albeit bland email by telling me that we need to make an effort to stop by and see his Memere while we are on our way to Massachusetts. She goes on to say that we shouldn't be mad at her for not attending our wedding and its only a couple of minutes off of the interstate and blah blah blah...

Now, several months ago she was told explicitly that she needs to stay out of our relationships with members of his family. In fact, they didn't see each other for nearly a year because of her meddling...

So, even putting the facts aside which would proclude us from even thinking about stopping to see his Memere on the way home (She is about an hour off of the interstate and because of the hours of the kenel where we have to board Charlotte, we have to leave Massachusetts around 12pm and we won't be able to leave for there until around 8am which will give us only 24 hours in the great state) it's just not something we want to do. It has nothing to do with the fact that she didn't come to our wedding...although it would have been nice if she could have been bothered to tell us she wasn't coming! And quite frankly...I'm tired of the SOSBH constantly bringing up the people who didn't attend our wedding. We had a fabulous day! I wouldn't change it. But it is hard to have happy memories when you ha someone constantly telling you that you shouldn't.

Getting back to my original question...what is the best thing to do??

My original instinct was to send her an email back telling her that her meddling was the exact reason she has a strained relationship with her son, and it can very easily head back that way if she continues with constantly getting in our business....(The original email I had drafted to her was much more forceful and quick witted)

I also could have calmly and logically explained to her that it would be impossible to see his Memere with the time we have available and maybe another day...I suspect however that this would lead to more talking about how she is sick...blah blah blah...

Or I could simply ignore her. This is the route I chose. I will not be responding to her email. I will not be initiating contact. I will be avoiding the woman at all costs.

Did I make the right decision?? Or by doing nothing am I just giving her the message that he actions are okay??

Is this an American thing? Are mother-in-laws in other countries much more respectful of their grown children?? Or is it universal??

The Players....

I have a problem with my mother in law...

She is meddling, overbearing and we have nothing in common...except her son (and I'm not even sure she likes him that much!)

I married "the son" in October of 2006 after knowing each other for 5 years. She and I had never seen eye to eye before the wedding and getting married certainly didn't help. We chose not to have children at our wedding which caused her to tell her other two children that they should not attend our wedding. This she admits. At our wedding my Aunt walked up to her and said how happy she was that her son was going to be in our family. She proceeded to say yeah..and walk away.

One year we decided not to go to a family reunion/birthday party for the husbands grandfather and her father. She called for nearly a week straight telling him that his grandfather might die anyday and that he may never see him again. His grandfather wasn't sick and lived for probably 5 more years after that.

This is just a smidget of what life is like with her in it...

So, here are the players:

Me...the loving wife, not so loving daughter in law...sadly pushing 30

the husband ... frustrated son and husband...understands that she pushes all of my buttons but just doesn't want to deal with her

Mother in Law... also known as the Spawn of Satan that birthed my husband (SOSBMH). Mid 50's.

Father in Law .... pretty much the same as the SOSBMH...WAY into being in Vietnam

Sister in Law .... Mother of two in her late 20's ... still stuck in high school...can't do anything without SOSBMH's approval

Brother in Law ... father of two ... married to overbearing wife who stays at home with kids. Lives 20 minutes from SOSBMH

This blog chronicles my life as an under appreciated daughter in law. Sadly all of the stories are true. Share my pain...